I am really not satisfied with my dream last night. I hate how it becomes my mood. And no, it wasn't about any delicious pizza but I would rather take that then be shown how much love can't leave my mind, or my dreams. Then again, my head was in the clouds last night. The clouds of wishing and hoping for the impossible. Making up a love that'll never happen. But the last thing I want to be is bitter.
There were words in my dream and I couldn't understand them. They were written in a font you couldn't read. I guess some pages need to be unwritten. You have to let yourself be out of control and "let the night write your script." There's always meaning behind every word. And there's always that feeling of being complete.
What is that feeling? My best friend spoke of it last night. She had a dream about an ex-boyfriend, whom she still loves. She said, "I was in his arms again and I finally felt complete." I don't think I've ever experienced that feeling. I've loved before, but maybe not in that way. Maybe not enough. I'm unsure but what I am sure of is you have to give what your heart deserves, what your heart aches for.
Writing is my outlet, but my voice needs to say what I hold in, to the one person I can't get off my mind. Who is this person? I wish God would tell me. But the signs I see are unreadable. Yeah. He's unreadable.
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2 comments:
You and I are hopeless romantics.
I like in a fantasy realm, all in my head. I daydream a lot. It's actually really not a good thing...or so I've been told. But it leaves me feeling lighter, happier. In a way, it's how I handle stress. It gives me an easier perspective.
Anyway, when it comes to love... it's actually pretty bad. I don't know if the reason I can't leave Carlos is because I'm in love with him, or the idea of him that I've created. I've put up with a lot of things because there are others that make up for it, at least that's what I believe. The problem here is that I can't figure out what I've made up and what's real. Make sense?
I believe in a love that'll never happen. Part of what I want permanently on my skin, "credo quia impossible est." it has many meanings. but in the literal sense it means, "i believe it because it is impossible." which my daydreams tend to be...
i believe in an impossible, perfect love. sometimes i'm disappointed, sometimes i'm content. i don't know what i'm looking for.
...maybe edward cullen? lol
hey, midnight sun was leaked, stephenie's pissed and she's just put up the first 12 chapters on her page. omg, as if we didn't love him enough before, he IS the personification of everything we want in a man.
http://stepheniemeyer.com/pdf/midnightsun_partialdraft3.pdf
go read, admire, daydream.
haha you're wonderful, marcela.
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