Girls vs Boys

I was a total girl yesterday. I got picked up by my best friend Angela, to go with her and Shiloh to Dianna's. The plan was to go swimming, lay out, read magazines, talk about everything, then watch the seasons of Sex and the City. Most of that plan cut back and us three ladies left the pool to go get our nails done. My toes are now a fresh hot red, designed with flowers. We checked out the Crush store in Riverside, and I about died in Heaven... (the clothes were beautiful.) So. Even though I was a total girl, I became a total boy by the end of the night.

Laying out on Angela's bed, watching Season 3 of Sex and the City, I compared ourselves to the characters we've given each other. Angela was Carrie, who plays by Sarah Jessica Parker, Shiloh was Charlotte, who plays by Kristin Davis, Diana (who wasn't there) was Samantha, who plays by Kim Cattrall, and I was Miranda, who plays by Cynthia Nixon. I was surprised to see that our characters matched us perfectly. I was never a huge fan of the show, but I definitely became one.

Watching the episode about Miranda and her boyfriend (at the time) made clarity hit me in the face. She was the guy in the relationship and it was hard for him to put up with. But Miranda was Miranda. She's stubborn and forward, just like myself. Watching her become vunerable with him almost made me cry. Was I that hard to break?

Throughout my whole relationship with Michael I was always told I was the guy. Not that he was even close "to being a girl" (in the appropiate way) I was just too stubborn to have it any other way, and he was too lenient to argue... but no man likes to be put in his place, unless needed. I did however, become vunerable with him and finally let him lead the way, but it took time and I wonder now if I was too late. Thinking about that almost makes my stomach turn. I don't think I'm ready to face the memory lane just yet, so I'll get back to my point.

I wonder if guys expect your heart right away. I wonder if any guy will ever be patient enough to wait for it. For my heart, that is. And if they wait, will it be worth it?

I guess this time Alone is more needed then I thought.